Never A Dull Moment.

At our house, it truly does seem like there just never is a dull moment. When the whole fam damily walks out the door, here's how it goes. (Every time.)


*I buckle Claire into her car seat and carry her to the door. 
*I put Titan's shoes on. 
*We all four gather at the front door. 
*I ask Derek if he has the keys. 
*He says "They're in my pocket."
*I manually lock the bottom lock and shut the door behind me once our small herd of cattle makes its way through the door jamb. 
*Derek locks the dead bolt. 
*We head to the car. 


Like I said, this is the routine EVERY SINGLE TIME. Even the "they're in my pocket" comment about our keys. After nearly four years of marriage, I've learned that if I am missing ANYTHING, it is most likely in one of the 27 pockets on Derek's cargo shorts. 


Well, today our routine got a little out of whack. We got to the part where we were all gathered in front of the door, and then me...assuming the keys were in Derek's pocket (and why wouldn't I), manually locked the bottom lock and shut the door behind me. As it is swinging shut, his big eyes look at me and then we hear, "Click". The door closed. He shoved his hands into his pockets and said, "I don't have the keys." My eyes widened and then went back to normal thinking that my silly jokester of a husband was trickin me. No trick. The keys were, indeed, on the dang key rack. So not only could we not get back inside, we couldn't get into our car either, since the keys are all on one keyring. Luckily, I brought our "survival kit". Also known as frozen Otter Pops (A pink one for me, a red one for Derek and an orange one for Titan.), a Sobe bottle full of ice water, and a Cars 2 sippy cup full of White Grape Juice for Titan. Turned out handy, having some things to cool us down in the 109* weather that rose to 111* within minutes. With beads of sweat dripping down Derek's forehead, Claire making a fuss in her carseat (already. Not even in that seat for 7 minutes and she's bugged.) and Titan sitting in the rocks throwing things into a bush, we whipped out our trusty ole Fry's Grocery Store V.I.P card and tried swiping it over the lock to pop it open. Yeah, that was harder than it seemed. Then we pulled two bobby pins out of my hair, straightened them, and like criminals tried to strategically hit all the right parts of the lock to make it open. (Note: it is also harder than it seems and no amount of crime-related TV show watching will help you out on the matter.) I told Derek, "Hey, I think I know how to pick a lock. I remember it somehow. I think I did it in another life one time, maybe." That's when he stared at me and I could almost hear that awkward "crickets chirping" noise you hear in movies. Then I said, "Wait. I know it can be done. Because Tai Lung does it in Kung Fu Panda and he does it with a feather. He breaks out of his hand cuffs". Then I realized that is anything but real life. But, it it were real, I'd better be able to break into my house if a tiger can break out of handcuffs. 


After all that crazy jazz outside, and wondering how many of our neighbors started making popcorn and pulled up chairs at their front windows to watch us try breaking into our own house, we had an idea. Derek said he was *pretty* sure he could bust into our house by kicking the door in. It didn't sound wise to me. I didn't want to pay out the nose for a new door. But our landlords live in China (not really, but they live about an hour from us) and it was only gettin hotter outside. I said go ahead. But go easy! So he kicked the door in, taking off the entire left side of the door jamb and the paint, and the bottom lock guard, and screws and all that nifty stuff. I thought he was pretty bad A, except that now our door is wrecked. 

Getting Lost.

Lately I've felt like being a mom has been the ultimate challenge for me. Why it is so hard, I don't know. It began with my two week long episode of post partum depression after giving birth to Titan, nearly two and a half years ago. Then it went away! I was a trooper. I loaded him up to take him to doctors appointments, the grocery store, and anywhere else I needed to go. Things were fun and groovy until he was 8 months old when I went back to work. Going to work was GREAT for me. I loved working. I loved getting to talk with adults and being able to help people throughout the day doing something I felt I was good at. Getting praise for my work, earning raises and seeing a good amount of money deposited into my bank account every two weeks was nice. And it was something that stay-at-home-moms never get. There are no "thank you's" for changing diapers, feeding picky eaters, scrubbing baby food out of the carpet, boiling binkies, putting screaming kids down for naps, wiping boogers, de-cluttering the house, scrubbing toilets, washing mirrors, beating out the rugs, making the bed, sweeping the floor, or vacuuming the house. There are no vacation days, even if you feel you've earned them. There's no two-weeks notice you give when you're mentally finished with this job. There's no boss to complain to about the system needing revamping. There's no trips to Starbucks every morning to ensure you stay awake. I don't drink coffee, but even if I did, I couldn't at the moment because I breastfeed. Which means any milk, chocolate, caffeine or spicy foods will destroy my baby's stomach, leaving me to deal with a ridiculously fussy baby in the 24 hours that follow rebellion. I've often said that the day I quit breastfeeding, I'm going to chug a huge glass of whole milk after snarfing down a couple of pieces of toast topped generously with Nutella. I realize this sounds like a whole lot of whining, but that isn't my intention. Taking care of kids doesn't "cramp my style", but it is simply a very challenging thing for me. Changing diapers doesn't bother me. Making grilled cheese sandwiches doesn't bother me. Holding babies doesn't bother me. Breastfeeding is great. Water fights with Titan are great. Going for walks in the wagon is a blast. But getting little to no sleep is pure Hell for me. I'm not a functioning person with no sleep. I'm cranky, depressed and unwilling/unable to do much without it. Top that with a teething 5 month old who doesn't sleep ANYWAY, and a 2 1/2 year old who thinks naps are going out of style and wants my attention 24/7, some days I'm fairly certain I'm about to lose my mind. I've decided I've sort of lost myself. I used to be a full-time student and I always loved school my entire life. I loved socializing and furthering my education. Those two things together are like a big breath of fresh air for me. But all of that sort of went away at the same time and now I'm wishing I could  (1) Finish the last 3 semesters of school that I have until I receive my Bachelor's Degree and/or (2) Find something I can do to feel fulfilled. Book club, going to the gym, swapping babysitting jobs with a friend, play dates, doing crafts, perfecting my love of photography, writing a book, working part-time, ANYTHING. I just want to feel like I'm an individual again, not ONLY a wife and a mom. It gets very tiring putting 3 people before yourself and sort of throwing yourself on the back burner 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Okay, maybe 364 days a year since my birthday is thrown in there. : ) Thankfully, my husband is the bomb and does ALL KINDS OF STUFF around the house to help me out and is incredible with the kids. I don't know how some couples make it and how some moms do it without any extra help whatsoever. I can only imagine how tough that must be. But just as a battery can't help a product function without being fully charged, a mom can't very easily take care of an entire family on "drained batteries". I feel like I am so much more excited and energetic about taking care of the people I love most when I feel like I am uplifted and happy. This is probably why being a working mother was EASY for me. I could be the fun parent that fed and bathed Titan after my long shift at work, picked him up if he wanted to be held, rocked him if he wanted it, and so forth. Derek didn't want to do those things because Titan had just driven him to the brink of insanity the entire day, and they were confined to an 800 sq. ft. apartment. Derek obviously didn't feel like he could just call other moms to have playdates with the kids because that would just be weird. There weren't many stay-at-home dads, which made it even more difficult for him. So I guess what works for one, might not work for another. My life was great, his life was hard. Now his life is great and my life is hard. But I'm determined to make my "job as a mom" as enjoyable and fulfilling as possible. I need some suggestions on what I can do to reach that point, instead of feeling like a robot going through the motions with a 5 o'clock goal on the horizon every day. I can't live like that and neither can the kids. I'm hoping I make a discovery here real soon! 

Finally, some good news!

     Our poor little Titan has struggled with ear infections his entire life. And sadly enough, I believe our little Claire is having all the same problems. Titan had two ruptured ear drums last fall and the day before Mother's day he had another. When we took him to the doctor, he had a double ear infection (although only the one ear drum had actually burst). The ENT said there was still plenty of fluid remaining in his ears and this is what keeps him from being able to hear well, which ultimately ends up causing him to not be able to speak well either. We scheduled him for surgery to have tubes placed last Saturday. There were problems with the insurance so we were forced to wait another week. Finally, this morning we got news that everything went through and he is good to go for tube placement on Saturday! I'm hoping this will be like a miracle for him and all of the sudden he'll be able to talk and hear and all his senses will sort of just sharpen up. I feel like we are giving him the greatest Christmas present or something. And it's a huge present for me as well, because I've had to try and crack his code for the past year and the two of us get pretty frustrated with each other when we can't communicate well. But we've done awesome. I'm just glad it's coming to an end! I love you, little T-man. Good luck on Saturday! 

How Sweet It Is To Be Loved By You.

Wow, I haven't been on here for a while! I keep meaning to blog, but end up forgetting or just being lazy and not doing it. But this, I had to share.

Saturday afternoon, our house was a bit sleepy. The kids were down for naps, so Derek and I decided to sneak away upstairs for a nap as well. As he lay next to me, falling asleep, I just looked at him in amazement. How lucky am I to be loved by this incredible person. This God-fearing, family-loving, hard-working man who was just a 21 year old boy fresh off of his mission when I met him. I knew I loved him then...and I love him more than ever now. Reminiscing on the things we used to do & thinking about all the things we do now- we have more memories than anyone on the planet and I love that. We've had the craziest streak of bad luck since leaving the Army, but I realize every day that when the world is falling apart around us, we still have each other, and that will always be enough. I know people talk about soul mates being a false concept, but I disagree. At least for us.  I am so blessed to have such sweet people directly surrounding me in my life. Here's to my little family of four and the love I have for them. You guys make me the most proud wife & mom in the world. I love you!

The Gay Mormon Guy.

Wow.

I have stumbled across this blog before in the past. And I read up a bit on it again today. I am so impressed by this person. He remains anonymous, of course, but I wish I could give him a big high five. I feel like in the church, there are many people who struggle with same-sex-attraction, a temptation to do drugs, drink alcohol, or be involved in immoral activities. But why are these topics never brought up? I feel like by avoiding them, two things happen. 1: The people with the desire to be involved in these things end up chasing their desires and possibly ultimately leaving the church and 2: Members who don't fall victim to these things end up judging those who do. Obviously this creates more negativity and absence of love than Heavenly Father would ever want for His children.

In this blog, gaymormonguy.blogspot.com , this person talks about the struggle he faces as not only someone with SSA (same-sex-attraction) but as a faithful member of the LDS church. He knows it would be easier to live in a place like San Francisco and chase men, seeing as that is a place that widely accepts gay LDS people, but he is true to his faith and is truly trying to "Endure to the End".

Incredible story. Do yourself a favor and read a post or two. You won't be disappointed.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom.

     
     If you all didn't know, I have the greatest mom in the world. As I've become a mother myself, I continue to realize more each day JUST how hard my mom worked to raise a family with 4 kids. Hearing of stories where my dad would get up at 3 am to make a 2 hour commute to work, then arrive home at 10 pm and only see us on weekends makes me cringe! Taking care of kids is hard enough with a handy and helpful husband, so I cannot imagine doing it alone. Oh and I suppose I should mention that she had 4 kids under the age of 5 and my mom had all of us before she was 25 years old. (Yikes.) 


She was always kind, always patient, and always willing to let us be ourselves. We were allowed to be kids and she didn't make us grow up faster than we had to. She always made great meals for us and went way out of her way to be an exceptional mom. One time in high school, I was talking to a friend who mentioned he was hungry because he hadn't had breakfast. He said every now and then he'd grab a granola bar on his way out the door but that was it. He was (obviously) green with envy when I told him my mom made me breakfast....every. single. morning. She would get up extra early, still nice and sleepy, and make us a hot breakfast. Waffles, pancakes, french toast, scrambled eggs, you name it. And that wasn't all. She'd throw some peaches or pears or grapes on the table too, just to be sure we were getting some healthy food in our bodies. 3 of us were in high school at the same time, so she really didn't need to get up that early, seeing as we could just drive ourselves to school and she could sleep in. But she never once did that. She was amazing that way and set a great example for me. Now, no matter what, I always make sure that Titan has a good breakfast and we usually eat it together. Sometimes it's a hassle and MAN that kid is a picky eater, but it makes me feel great to know I'm taking good care of my little man. 


This is just one of many things I could say about my mom that would win her the Best Mom Award. She's great and I love her and I'm so grateful to be her daughter and have been raised by her incredible and Christlike example. Thanks Mom and I sure do love you. 


Also, my sister Sheridan is a great mother. I watched as she's endured an 8 month deployment where her husband was in Afghanistan, and 4 months of training before that deployment where they didn't live together. She gave birth to her son Sawyer without her spouse along side her. My mom and I were there, but that is just not the same. I've seen her skin grow thicker, yet her heart has grown tender and she loves her boys (her hubby, her baby and her dog) more than anything in the world. I know she's also a fantastic mom with a bright future ahead. (And hopefully lots more sweet kids). 

I love you girls! Happy Mother's Day to you and to all you moms out there. It's not an easy job! 


Love, 


Lauren

Moving on.

I kept that last post up there for a while since it seemed to be getting re-circulated and I didn't want people to have to go looking for it. But I'm moving on now! And thanks so much for reading my poem. Isn't that just the way motherhood goes? For any of you who don't have kids, consider yourself warned.

Since so many of you mommies liked that post and could relate, I decided to start a new blog entirely on the funny and crazy times of motherhood. You can find me at thediariesofawimpymom.blogspot.com. I'll still be writing on this blog, posting about this & that & whatever I want. But the other blog will strictly be mommy moments. I hope you read it, like it & tell all your friends about it! Life won't seem so bad and crazy if you know so many other people are doing the same ridiculous things you are all day long.

P.S. There is no reason I have a picture of Antoine Dodson in this post, it just made my day to see his face and it reminded me of how hard he has made me laugh in the past. If you don't know who he is then please, for the love of all things funny, go check him out. With that being said, I hope you all have a happy Friday and a superb weekend!