Humanizing Gays.

Humanizing Gays. 

             (My sweet and long life friend Austin and his friend.)

      It seems that no matter how hard I try to not flood my social media outlets with topics of politics, I never can do it. And the reason I fail at keeping my thoughts to myself is because in many situations, I have been on each side of the fence at some point, so I feel I can safely say that I understand 100% of you. Your thoughts, your reasonings, your distaste for something, and your passions. Today's topic? Gay Marriage. A couple of posts ago I wrote about the extreme silliness of the Chik-Fil-A feud happening across this country. Seems like something to laugh about now. But in all seriousness, these topics affect people. They are people's lives. And I'm out to show people how gays are human, just like the rest of us.

(This is Joe on the right- my friend and brother's long time friend from childhood.)

    
      I have often been at a fork in the road when it comes to Gay Marriage, asking myself if I support it, asking myself if I oppose it, asking myself if maybe I've just been culturally/religiously influenced by it all. Off the top of my head, I can think of at least 7 people in my circle of friends and family who are homosexual and openly so. I cannot imagine the amount of harsh judgments they have received and continue to receive on a regular basis because their lifestyle is not yet 100% socially acceptable. My religious beliefs teach that God has reserved the sanctity of marriage for one man and one woman. And although I have chosen this path for my family, it does not mean that everyone will. Nor does it mean that anyone with a different opinion than myself should be subject to criticism. 

     I used to be afraid to think of the possibility of Gay Marriage being legalized, being taught about in our schools to our young children, being on television shows and so forth. Now I realize that it doesn't matter what I think. The world will continue forward without my opinions (which can be incredibly closed minded, and they usually change over time) and all I can do is teach my children what I want them to learn within the walls of my own home. I want to teach them love. I want to teach them sacrifice. I want them to know that charity knows no bounds and that when someone needs their help, they have an obligation to do everything they can to lift them up, without any regard to their gender, religion, social status, or sexual preference. Just the fact that we are citizens of the most envied nation on Earth makes us amongst the few to be as lucky as we are to have what we have. Why not take that energy and channel it towards positivity and productivity?

(My childhood friend Jaymes with his boyfriend and my friend Johnny)

     
     With all of these wishy washy thoughts on Gay Marriage, I decided I was tired of not being certain of how I felt. So, I turned to prayer. I pleaded with God very plainly, "Please help me to know what to feel about this." And do you know what He said to me? He asked me, "Well...how do you feel?" It was as if He was telling me to exercise my right to think for myself, using the knowledge and life experiences under my belt to make an educated and wise decision. Then it clicked. The feeling hit me like a ray of sunshine to my chest. I am embarrassed it took me so long to realize this simple truth. I realized that many times we forget that people with same sex attraction are PEOPLE. They are human beings with needs like any other human being. Food, water, clothing, shelter, love, compassion, hope. They are not a different breed. They are not lesser or greater than any of the rest of us. We are the same. And the Lord told me, "These are your brothers and sisters. Will you deny them of their freedoms because they don't live like you do? To belittle them and ostracize them would be inhumane." And that was that. 

     I love that. Because guess what? People who are gay will live together. They will share finances, pets, groceries, mortgages, cars, friends and family. They will do this without any regard to laws. And why shouldn't they be allowed to? I can live with my best friend, can't I? I can live with my cousin, my neighbor, my co-worker and who would complain about it? No one would. But when it's out in the open that these cohabitators may be more than friends or blood relatives, it is immediately shunned and relationships crumble. However, laws do not disallow gays from cohabitating. No one is telling them they cannot enter into a mortgage together. No one is saying they cannot be a co-signer on a vehicle for their partner. So what good is it to take away their ability to share medical records, to wear wedding rings with purpose to the symbolism instead of just hope, to have to file for divorce like the rest of us, to be considered "next of kin" to their partners in the case of an emergency? These are trivial things in the eyes of the Lord. They are MAN'S laws. Not His. The only thing we take from these people is freedom. We don't fight them being able to cohabitate. So why fight them on the things that affect us zero percent, yet affect them one hundred percent? To not be recognized as human in the eyes of the law is a disgraceful thing. Whether you aren't recognized because you are a woman, because you are of a certain ethnicity, because of your sexual orientation, or what have you. All I know is, I will not stand at the feet of the Lord and say that I treated my fellow brothers and sisters with disrespect because we didn't live our lives the same way.

(My cousin Shamron with her girlfriend, Beth.)

  You may wonder about that post I mentioned earlier, the one regarding Chik-Fil-A and the gay community. In that post, I mentioned why members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints feel they cannot vote in favor of same sex marriage. The issue has not changed. Legalizing same sex marriage has the potential to crumble the very foundation our ancestors have labored to build. Essentially, it could dissolve separation of church and state. Some advocates of same sex marriage have suggested that any religious organization that does not honor gay marriage to have their tax exemptions withdrawn. This is the part where I say that I hope neither party will infringe on the other party's right to live freely and happily. I'm saddened there is so much grey area on this topic, but the concrete principles of humanity remain the same with or without it. And all I can do is live my life the way Christ would have me do. 

 

             (My cousin Charlie on the left, with her girlfriend, Emily.)

     The best part of changing your way of thinking is, it should take very little effort and you will be a much happier person. How can expanding your circle of love ever be a bad thing? You may ask, "What will this mean for me? How can I treat them differently?" The answer is easy.  It means that you will treat them like you treat everyone else. You don't treat your red-headed friends differently than your blonde ones. It's the same type of simple kindness. Do unto others. You'll be glad you did. And the very last question I have for you is, did any of these people look threatening to you? Because these are some of the happiest faces I have ever seen. 

-Lauren 

Information on my very normal friends: 

Austin and I grew up together in Albuquerque, NM. Austin is one of the sweetest, kindness, most gentle people I know, and I am glad to call him my friend. We have so many awesome memories together.


Joe has been a life long friend of my older brother, who is just 18 months ahead of me in life. Joe is an awesome person with a huge spirit and loves to have fun, just like the rest of us. : )

Jaymes and I have known each other since we were young kids. He comes from a large family who I am blessed to know. Jaymes is a certified nurse's aide and med tech. He and Johnny reside in St. George, UT. Johnny is a designer with incredible talent, selling his products at johnnyvegasoriginals.etsy.com. They live on 2.5 acres with their chickens and dog. They have been together just over 4 years and consider themselves, "a normal, boring couple." 

Charlie's father and my grandfather are brothers. She is a very kind, loving, and big hearted person who makes a difference in the lives of young kids each and every day. 

Shamron is the daughter of my mom's oldest brother. She is gorgeous, and so is Beth. They have a business sewing the ever so famous boob scarf. They are excellent examples of kindness and love to all people. 

I am so lucky to be in this incredible circle of people. 

All In A Flash.

Wow, does anyone else feel like time has been just zipping by?
Yesterday, I was pacing around my living room floor, waiting for baby Claire to make her way out of my dang stomach.
And today, she is over 6 months old! 
Yesterday Titan was smooshing a blue icing-topped cupcake into his mouth to celebrate his 2nd birthday, and today he wears Superman undies and goes potty in this own toilet. 
Yesterday we were unloading all of our goodies into multiple storage units until we found a place to live. And today we are looking at houses all the time, waiting to bid on just the right one in the next month or so. 
Yesterday we lived in Georgia, going on walks every morning and dropping off letters to our favorite dude in the mail.
Today, we have had Derek home for over 9 months. 
Yesterday, it was Christmastime. 
And now it's already almost time to decorate for Halloween!
Yesterday, I brought Claire home from the hospital. 
Today, she chomps down entire jars of bananas, sweet peas, and squash.
Yesterday, Titan couldn't talk very much. 
Today, he is the biggest gabber ever. (Lots of babbling. And back seat driving.)
Yesterday, Derek had a job he hated. 
Today, he has the best job he's ever had.
Yesterday, I was new to the college scene; a peppy, eager 18 year old.
Today, I'm 25 and a half. 
Yesterday, Derek and I met for the first time in a young adult ward at our church. 
Today, we've been married almost 4 years. 

Crazy how time flies. It's literally whooshing past us. I can almost feel it! One day these kids are going to be off at school and I'm not going to know what to do with myself. I hope it doesn't go by too quickly, but based on how fast life has been moving as of late, I can't assume it'll slow down! Just got to make sure I enjoy every minute. I sure do love my little family. 

The Ramblings of an Independent Human Being.

There has been so much talk of politics lately. And before you get bored and exit out of this post, read on and see what a Mormon like myself thinks of all of this.

*Chik-Fil-A: Where to begin. First of all, this is a restaurant. Restaurants are about food. Not about gay marriage. So to me, this entire "people are up in arms about Dan Cathy, owner of Chik-Fil-A" is RIDICULOUS. You either like their food...or you don't. Use your freedom of choice and NOT spend your money there if you don't like what they're doing. But zoning them out is juvenile and nothing but a publicity stunt because someone got excited that they have a voice in America. Good for you for at least using your 1st amendment right. If enough people don't eat at Chik-Fil-A because of Dan Cathy's statement, then the rules of economics have been well played and he deserves to not have a business in that location. But are you really surprised that a God-fearing man, who closes his businesses across the globe EVERY SUNDAY so that their employees can attend church meetings if they choose to do so, made this statement? I mean- think about it! Sundays are one of the biggest money making days of the week for places like Chik-Fil-A because people are off work and families often go out to eat together. Taking a hit like this shows what kind of a person Mr. Cathy is because unlike most leaders in America, he is driven by his heart and passions instead of with his wallet. 


     For Mayor Thomas Menino of Boston, Massachusetts to concoct a document to Mr. Cathy letting him know he isn't welcome in his city, is despicable. Why are these arguments only swayed one way? If a community of heterosexuals muscled out a business owner who supports gay marriage, people all over the country would have heart attacks. I find it especially ironic that Mayor Menino wrote to Mr. Cathy,  "Incredibly - your company says you are backing out of the same-sex marriage debate. I urge you to back out of your plans to locate in Boston... I was angry to learn on the heels of your prejudiced statements about your search for a site to locate in Boston. There is no place for discrimination on Boston's Freedom Trail and no place for your company alongside it." Found here.  Really, Mr. Menino? You do realize that by shooing Chik-Fil-A out of Boston because you feel they discriminate, you are actually discriminating against Mr. Cathy and his business? And not only him, but all traditional-marriage supporting business owners. Kinda shoved your foot in your mouth there. 


     Am I against people being homosexual? NO! People feel what they feel and it isn't my business to tell them otherwise. Some of the greatest people I know are homosexual. But do I value the traditional family? Absolutely! To say I don't would be to say my own family is superficial. And how ironic would it be that someone like myself, who tries to walk in the ways of Christ, unrighteously judges another for feeling or acting in a way that I don't agree with or understand? It is close-minded, harmful and a waste of time. Christ wouldn't judge homosexuals this way, so why should I? People are also incredibly misinformed about Mr. Cathy's views. Taken from the same site as the quote above, I read, "The fast-food chain later said that it strives to "treat every person with honor, dignity and respect — regardless of their belief, race, creed, sexual orientation or gender," the Boston Herald reported." You cannot tell me this isn't true. When was the last time you went to Chik-Fil-A and got anything less than awesome service? They serve homosexual customers. They hire homosexuals. 


     The story goes like this...for all of you who were too jumpy to read and gather the facts before making bold and crazy statements. Read the full article here. Chik-Fil-A had an agreement with The Jim Henson Company. Chik-Fil-A was going to fill kids' meals with Muppets dolls/puppets and any earnings would go back to The Jim Henson Company. However, Lisa Henson went to Chik-Fil-A's owners and told them that instead of sending the money BACK to their company, to go ahead and donate it directly to The Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLADD). Because Dan Cathy believes strongly in the traditional family, the Henson's and Chik-Fil-A decided to cut ties. Let me ask you this. Couldn't Dan Cathy just as easily threw a fit and told Lisa Henson that because she didn't tell him about the donations up front, he was going to sue her for all she's worth and try to boycott her company? Yes, he could have. But did he? NO!!!! Of course not! Because he is a religious man who believes in being kind. INSTEAD, the Henson's publicized this up the wazoo, and did everything in their power to bring Chik-Fil-A down. Way to go, liberals! Always turning everything around and being the victim of EVERY SITUATION. What did Lisa Henson expect, doing business with a traditionally religious man? My mind is blown at the stupidity of people in America. 


     Again, do I love gays? Sure. Do I think they should love who they wish to love? ABSOLUTELY! Are they any different than the rest of us? No! We are all trying to get by and live a fulfilling and enjoyable life. Do I think gays should marry? Why not? They are often more dedicated lovers, better caretakers and more open-minded, Christlike individuals. But the reasons members of the LDS church keep things like Prop 8 in place is described below. 


*Gay Marriage: The Mormon church gets quite a bit of flack from people all across the globe because of their view on gay marriage. Even people within our own organization do not agree with Prop 8. But let me tell you a little something I learned. Churches like ours keep separate from the government and we do not pay taxes. All of our funding comes from members of the LDS church paying 10% of their annual income so that we can do a number of things with it, such as build temples and churches, pay for missionaries who cannot afford to go out and preach the gospel, help support needy families, and donate to charity. Our church strongly supports the traditional family and does not allow homosexuals to be married in our church buildings or temples. My guess is that MOST churches are the same way. Catholic, Baptist, Lutheran, Prodistant, Methodist, Buddhist, you name it. This is why many homosexual couples don't attend a specific church. Many churches do not accept the lifestyle. At least not yet. It is a new concept to them because it is only recently becoming widely accepted. 


     Am I threatened by homosexuals? Absolutely not! But I want to state the facts and expose the reality of WHY people feel the way they do. Continuing on, if there became a law that churches must respect homosexuality and honor it by allowing same-sex marriages within churches, churches like ours would lose our tax-free status and everything we preach in our churches would be shot to Hell. Why? Because we would no longer be able to keep the sanctity of only traditional marriages alive. One of the basic and most important principles we teach within our church is the marriage between man and woman. Taken directly from The Proclamation to the Family, it reads, "The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan." 


     We would be either forced to close our temples or forced to allow gays to marry in the same way heterosexuals are. Some of you ask, "What is wrong with that?" And to many, maybe nothing is wrong with that. But to others, this is a huge deal. When segregation was done away with, did people all of the sudden treat each other better? Absolutely not! Ask your grandparents what they think of interracial marriage and they'll probably keel over. Just because a law has changed, doesn't mean people's hearts do also. There is still segregation in the south. Last year my family and I lived in Georgia. One night, we went out to eat at a popular chain restaurant. We noticed all the whites sat on one side of the restaurant and the blacks on the other. We sat where we wanted. And we sat on the black side. Everyone in that restaurant looked at us like we were crazy. The blacks didn't want us eating near them and the whites couldn't believe we sat there. It's absolutely ridiculous, but people's hearts don't change too quickly. Segregation was technically outlawed decades ago, but it lingers on in the hearts of those who never got around to accepting it.


     Back to the religious talk- to ask members of the LDS church, or any church, to roll over and allow their religion to crumble like a piece of cornbread would be abominable. You'd probably use a long string of expletives and a certain finger to describe how you felt if someone asked you to throw everything you believe in the trashcan. Instead, we vote. And we vote for Prop 8. Most, but not all. And it isn't because we think homosexuals are awful. It's because we want to continue to practice our beliefs and we are only left with two choices in the end. Again, why are these things only swayed one way? People who don't love tattoos don't stand outside tattoo parlors with a sign that says tattoos are of the devil. I don't gather together my hundreds of non-drinking friends and try to get a business to shut down because they serve alcohol. If I don't want to drink alcohol, ALL I HAVE TO DO IS NOT DRINK IT! Brilliant! Mostly, you are allowed to do what you want to do without people bugging you. So let others do the same. There should not be a double standard on this. And although agreeing to disagree is probably a long shot, people should at least stop jumping down each other's throats and acting like this is a war. There should not be a gays vs. straights competition. If it wasn't for churches like ours having to change so much due to Prop 8 being overturned, then I say to Hell with all this stupidity and let everyone live as they wish. Do I care if gays cohabitate? NO! Do I care if they have children? NO! Often times I feel they make better parents than many out there. (As stated above). And because they have to adopt, they spend much time and many resources on getting their much desired child- which shows their dedication to parenthood itself. I have homosexual friends that I adore so much. One of my favorite celebrities is Ellen DeGeneres. She is the most kind and charitable human being, like many other homosexuals. To judge them for the way they feel or the life they live is just as despicable as all the other nonsense I spoke of earlier. And incredibly unChristlike, which is just ironic, coming from people who preach to be otherwise. Which leads me to my next and final point. 


*Mitt Romney: I have to admit, I used to not be a very big fan of his. He seemed arrogant. But he has grown on me. And between him and Obama, I say Mitt deserves the drivers' seat. Mitt stands for everything America was founded upon. Yes, times change. But can you really say America has changed for the better? We have a higher amount of illegal aliens than ever before. We have experienced an incredible economic downfall and the amount of unemployed citizens in America continues to rise daily. Our school systems are suffering. Children kill themselves because they are bullied, because often parents raise their children to be entitled brats that grow up to be small-minded idiots who eventually run our cities, businesses and other organizations. And although I do see eye to eye with many of Mitt Romney's beliefs on how America should be run, I have had a change of heart about pro-choice versus pro-life. But I urge you to NOT READ THIS THE WRONG WAY. Do I believe in the casual use of abortion? No no no no no. But do I believe women should have a choice? ....Yes and no. If I go out, get drunk, am irresponsible and make foolish choices which lead to unplanned and unwanted pregnancy, I should do the right thing and carry the baby for 9 months until I can give it up for adoption to a loving, deserving family. Same goes for girls who have consensual sex and get pregnant in any other situation, whatever age they may be. However, if I am raped, I should choose. If I am sick and my body cannot hold a baby and allow both the child and I to live, I eventually end up at a fork in the road. Do I die, when my child would most likely die anyways? Do I leave behind a husband and other children? No. But I would at least appreciate the ability to CHOOSE FOR MYSELF. For someone else to basically sentence me to death in this situation would be inhumane. Many do not realize that the Mormon church doesn't punish those who choose to abort in situations such as incest, rape or illness.


Whew! Let's recap, shall we?


*Do I love homosexuals? Yep.
*Should they love who they wish? Yep. 
*Would it be okay if they chose to live a straight life and fight gay tendencies? Yep. And good for you if that's what you choose. That would be very difficult. 
*Should gays raise children? If they wish.
*Was Dan Cathy wrong in making his statement? No. He was answering a question honestly. He should be given credit for that, especially when he probably realized so many would persecute him for his answer. 
*Were people wrong to be offended by Dan Cathy? Not necessarily, but don't hang the man. He has opinions just like you do. 
*Was Mayor Menino wrong to tell Dan Cathy to take a hike? Yes. It was immature and uncalled for, not to mention ironic because of his reverse discrimination.
*Is gay marriage wrong? In the eyes of many, yes. In the eyes of many others, no. To me? I say let whoever wants to marry, marry! But because it conflicts with the way I live my life from a religious stand point(my religion is more than a Sunday thing for me, it's an entire lifestyle), I must always vote in favor of Prop 8. It's definitely a bittersweet thing because I truly do not believe others should be told by the government how they should live their lives. I wish there were another way. 
*Are people wrong to not support gay marriage? Absolutely not. People should always be allowed to feel what they want without someone telling them otherwise. It's like me saying you shouldn't be allowed to dislike onions. Ridiculous. 
*Do Mormons hate homosexuals? No! But many are also close minded and do not get the concept that you can love someone entirely without loving their lifestyle or choices. 
*Do I believe in casual abortion? No way. Those people will answer for the murder of innocent children. 
*Do I believe women should have a choice? Yes. Especially under life-threatening circumstances. 


Wow, what a crazy blog post. I had to get it all out. Opinions? Thoughts? I'm ready to be hated, and I'm ready to be praised. But I at least did my homework and attached links to articles from where I got my information. Any other questions or comments can be emailed to me at laurensikora@hotmail.com


-Lauren

Things I Love!

 

I have been thinking about things that I love and I wanted to share. 


1. Sun bursting through my window in the morning


2. My beautiful children waking up happy 


3. Looking for houses and picturing my belongings there


4. Eating healthfully and feeding my kids healthy foods (if they'll eat them)


5. Rolling over in the night and getting a whiff of my clean-laundry smelling pillow


6. Claire's gigantic gummy smile


7. Titan's sweet spirit and the way he goes "ppptttthhh" to get my attention sometimes


8. When my husband laughs at my jokes and commentary


9. Getting up and making breakfast for Derek and eating it with him while the kids are still asleep


10. Finding bargains


11. Pictures 


12. Feeling connected with people. I LOOOOOVE Facebook and Blogs


13. Toaster Strudels 


14. Pinterest


15. My beta fish. He's my third baby


16. A clean house


17. Blankets, especially quilts


18. Being able to sleep with the windows open


19. A freshly vacuumed rug


20. Modern Family


21. The Draw Something app (Wanna play? Username is laurenslover08)


22. Friendly strangers


23. Free samples at Costco


24. A stocked up refrigerator and cupboards from a recent trip to the grocery store


25. Good music (Anyone else love Enya?)


26. The home section of Anthropologie (things normal people can actually afford and are cute)


27. When my kids play together and giggle. I die every time


28. Naps


29. Good books. Just finished Heaven Is Here and I'm a believer. I am currently reading The Book of Mormon. (Wanna read it with me? I started 4 days ago and I'm reading a chapter a day. I'm on 1st Nephi 4)


30. The weekends




This is just a small list of many things I love. The big things that I love the very most in my life are my family and The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, which allows me to live the happy life that I feel many people seek but never find. I don't usually get religious on my blogs or Facebook, but what better way is there to share the happiness I know than to put it up here for people to explore if they'd like to? Learn more here. 

When I Have Money...

I've been thinking lately. I have slowly come up with a "When I Have Money Wish List". So, without further adieu, I will jump right in. When I have money, I'd like: 


* To get my rug cleaned. By a real cleaner. Not me and my power sprayer with my gigantic rug draped over my cinderblock wall. 


* To buy a house! With a backyard for my kids to roam around in. 


* A puppy. A french bulldog named Pierre. 


* More Disney movies, like Tangled, Cars 1 & 2, Toy Story 1 2 & 3, A Bug's Life, Tarzan and The Jungle Book. The VHS's have slowly become fuzzy and some don't work at all, but my little guy loves them.


* A real haircut. I think I cut my hair once a year (if that) and I usually just go to some cheapy haircutting place that always messes my hair up. 


* To go on a small vacation with my lover! I'm thinking a cruise...


* To buy Derek tickets to a Jack Johnson concert. 


* To put my kids in the Infant Rescue Swimming courses.


* Have a gym membership.


* Regular date nights with my best friend!


I'm sure there are more, but some have slipped my mind. We HAVE been saving up some money lately, just as a "whatever" fund. We usually put Derek's  bonuses in there. So yesterday we were talking about how out of shape we are and how time consuming and expensive it is to go to to a gym or join a city sports league. A lightbulb turned on in my little head and I thought, "Bikes! Let's buy bikes!" So hopefully pretty soon we can buy two bikes and some kid-friendly bike carriers/carts so that after dinner every night, we can toot around town on our cruisers. We'd be 1. Spending time with family still 2. Getting exercise 3. Getting fresh air 4. Having fun and 5. Wearing out the kids before bath and bedtime. Love, love, love the idea. It's a win all around. So stay tuned for pictures of our awesome bikes in the near future. 

Never A Dull Moment.

At our house, it truly does seem like there just never is a dull moment. When the whole fam damily walks out the door, here's how it goes. (Every time.)


*I buckle Claire into her car seat and carry her to the door. 
*I put Titan's shoes on. 
*We all four gather at the front door. 
*I ask Derek if he has the keys. 
*He says "They're in my pocket."
*I manually lock the bottom lock and shut the door behind me once our small herd of cattle makes its way through the door jamb. 
*Derek locks the dead bolt. 
*We head to the car. 


Like I said, this is the routine EVERY SINGLE TIME. Even the "they're in my pocket" comment about our keys. After nearly four years of marriage, I've learned that if I am missing ANYTHING, it is most likely in one of the 27 pockets on Derek's cargo shorts. 


Well, today our routine got a little out of whack. We got to the part where we were all gathered in front of the door, and then me...assuming the keys were in Derek's pocket (and why wouldn't I), manually locked the bottom lock and shut the door behind me. As it is swinging shut, his big eyes look at me and then we hear, "Click". The door closed. He shoved his hands into his pockets and said, "I don't have the keys." My eyes widened and then went back to normal thinking that my silly jokester of a husband was trickin me. No trick. The keys were, indeed, on the dang key rack. So not only could we not get back inside, we couldn't get into our car either, since the keys are all on one keyring. Luckily, I brought our "survival kit". Also known as frozen Otter Pops (A pink one for me, a red one for Derek and an orange one for Titan.), a Sobe bottle full of ice water, and a Cars 2 sippy cup full of White Grape Juice for Titan. Turned out handy, having some things to cool us down in the 109* weather that rose to 111* within minutes. With beads of sweat dripping down Derek's forehead, Claire making a fuss in her carseat (already. Not even in that seat for 7 minutes and she's bugged.) and Titan sitting in the rocks throwing things into a bush, we whipped out our trusty ole Fry's Grocery Store V.I.P card and tried swiping it over the lock to pop it open. Yeah, that was harder than it seemed. Then we pulled two bobby pins out of my hair, straightened them, and like criminals tried to strategically hit all the right parts of the lock to make it open. (Note: it is also harder than it seems and no amount of crime-related TV show watching will help you out on the matter.) I told Derek, "Hey, I think I know how to pick a lock. I remember it somehow. I think I did it in another life one time, maybe." That's when he stared at me and I could almost hear that awkward "crickets chirping" noise you hear in movies. Then I said, "Wait. I know it can be done. Because Tai Lung does it in Kung Fu Panda and he does it with a feather. He breaks out of his hand cuffs". Then I realized that is anything but real life. But, it it were real, I'd better be able to break into my house if a tiger can break out of handcuffs. 


After all that crazy jazz outside, and wondering how many of our neighbors started making popcorn and pulled up chairs at their front windows to watch us try breaking into our own house, we had an idea. Derek said he was *pretty* sure he could bust into our house by kicking the door in. It didn't sound wise to me. I didn't want to pay out the nose for a new door. But our landlords live in China (not really, but they live about an hour from us) and it was only gettin hotter outside. I said go ahead. But go easy! So he kicked the door in, taking off the entire left side of the door jamb and the paint, and the bottom lock guard, and screws and all that nifty stuff. I thought he was pretty bad A, except that now our door is wrecked. 

Getting Lost.

Lately I've felt like being a mom has been the ultimate challenge for me. Why it is so hard, I don't know. It began with my two week long episode of post partum depression after giving birth to Titan, nearly two and a half years ago. Then it went away! I was a trooper. I loaded him up to take him to doctors appointments, the grocery store, and anywhere else I needed to go. Things were fun and groovy until he was 8 months old when I went back to work. Going to work was GREAT for me. I loved working. I loved getting to talk with adults and being able to help people throughout the day doing something I felt I was good at. Getting praise for my work, earning raises and seeing a good amount of money deposited into my bank account every two weeks was nice. And it was something that stay-at-home-moms never get. There are no "thank you's" for changing diapers, feeding picky eaters, scrubbing baby food out of the carpet, boiling binkies, putting screaming kids down for naps, wiping boogers, de-cluttering the house, scrubbing toilets, washing mirrors, beating out the rugs, making the bed, sweeping the floor, or vacuuming the house. There are no vacation days, even if you feel you've earned them. There's no two-weeks notice you give when you're mentally finished with this job. There's no boss to complain to about the system needing revamping. There's no trips to Starbucks every morning to ensure you stay awake. I don't drink coffee, but even if I did, I couldn't at the moment because I breastfeed. Which means any milk, chocolate, caffeine or spicy foods will destroy my baby's stomach, leaving me to deal with a ridiculously fussy baby in the 24 hours that follow rebellion. I've often said that the day I quit breastfeeding, I'm going to chug a huge glass of whole milk after snarfing down a couple of pieces of toast topped generously with Nutella. I realize this sounds like a whole lot of whining, but that isn't my intention. Taking care of kids doesn't "cramp my style", but it is simply a very challenging thing for me. Changing diapers doesn't bother me. Making grilled cheese sandwiches doesn't bother me. Holding babies doesn't bother me. Breastfeeding is great. Water fights with Titan are great. Going for walks in the wagon is a blast. But getting little to no sleep is pure Hell for me. I'm not a functioning person with no sleep. I'm cranky, depressed and unwilling/unable to do much without it. Top that with a teething 5 month old who doesn't sleep ANYWAY, and a 2 1/2 year old who thinks naps are going out of style and wants my attention 24/7, some days I'm fairly certain I'm about to lose my mind. I've decided I've sort of lost myself. I used to be a full-time student and I always loved school my entire life. I loved socializing and furthering my education. Those two things together are like a big breath of fresh air for me. But all of that sort of went away at the same time and now I'm wishing I could  (1) Finish the last 3 semesters of school that I have until I receive my Bachelor's Degree and/or (2) Find something I can do to feel fulfilled. Book club, going to the gym, swapping babysitting jobs with a friend, play dates, doing crafts, perfecting my love of photography, writing a book, working part-time, ANYTHING. I just want to feel like I'm an individual again, not ONLY a wife and a mom. It gets very tiring putting 3 people before yourself and sort of throwing yourself on the back burner 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Okay, maybe 364 days a year since my birthday is thrown in there. : ) Thankfully, my husband is the bomb and does ALL KINDS OF STUFF around the house to help me out and is incredible with the kids. I don't know how some couples make it and how some moms do it without any extra help whatsoever. I can only imagine how tough that must be. But just as a battery can't help a product function without being fully charged, a mom can't very easily take care of an entire family on "drained batteries". I feel like I am so much more excited and energetic about taking care of the people I love most when I feel like I am uplifted and happy. This is probably why being a working mother was EASY for me. I could be the fun parent that fed and bathed Titan after my long shift at work, picked him up if he wanted to be held, rocked him if he wanted it, and so forth. Derek didn't want to do those things because Titan had just driven him to the brink of insanity the entire day, and they were confined to an 800 sq. ft. apartment. Derek obviously didn't feel like he could just call other moms to have playdates with the kids because that would just be weird. There weren't many stay-at-home dads, which made it even more difficult for him. So I guess what works for one, might not work for another. My life was great, his life was hard. Now his life is great and my life is hard. But I'm determined to make my "job as a mom" as enjoyable and fulfilling as possible. I need some suggestions on what I can do to reach that point, instead of feeling like a robot going through the motions with a 5 o'clock goal on the horizon every day. I can't live like that and neither can the kids. I'm hoping I make a discovery here real soon!