Wow I am really emotionally burned out tonight, which is highly unusual for me! I'm not an emotional person and I NEEEEEVVVVEERRR ever cry. Ever. But here is why tonight was different...
I am the Activity Days leader for the girls in my ward. For any of my non-LDS friends, Activity Days is where the girls ages 8-11 get together on the 1st and 3rd Wednesdays of the month to do something fun or service-oriented. Tonight I had planned for us to go to a nursing home and go caroling. What I didn't realize was that it was actually an Alzheimer's center. I remember calling them a week or so ago and the public relations lady was ECSTATIC that we would be interested in caroling. In fact, she was so excited that just hearing the tone in her voice made me sad because I realized that no one ever does voluntary service for the residents there. We got there and had a rather small turnout but it was ok because in my opinion, it made the experience more spiritual.
For me, this is what I saw...
We walked through a door that had to be buzzed from a remote in order to open (like a prison cell). To my left and right are elderly patients, slouching in their wheelchairs, many are fast asleep. Some are wearing beanies that aren't quite placed correctly on their heads, others are looking at me with a hostile gaze. Some are confused and some are smiling. I walked through and I waved, but as I passed them and walked into the hallway where there were no residents, I began to tear up. It was a scene I can't describe- it can't be read on paper or even seen on a movie; it can only be felt.
We proceeded to follow the lady in charge towards the back of the facility where they held the residents with the worst cases of Alzheimer's. The lady to my right was in a chair with her head hanging down, hooked up to a machine that I didn't recognize. It looked like it was pumping water into her veins or something. We entered a den where some were watching TV. One man was fast asleep on the couch with blanket over him. The entire room reeked of urine, but the bright faces were priceless. An elderly lady and an elderly man made sure to sing along with us. Most were happy, others were dazed. When we went around and said "Merry Christmas", we shook hands with many of the people. A mom of one of my Activity Day girls went to shake hands with a particular resident but the woman got scared and pulled her hand away. It makes me sad that many people with Alzehimer's are so skittish and afraid; they trust no one.
We returned back to the front of the building to sing to the residents I originally passed in the hallway when first entering. They lit up when we sang "Feliz Navidad". I was able to use my Spanish with some of the residents. One lady began to tell me her story and how she's from Madrid and doesn't particularly like El Paso. I told her I'm with her on that one. Then she kept repeating her address. Over and over. Saying she had a big house and this and that. She was holding my hand with one of her hands and rubbing my arm with the other. She was so happy to have a listening ear. It's like she practiced that conversation a thousand times, just hoping someone would come along and listen to it. So many of them would love to just have someone to talk to and share old memories with. And honestly, I'd love to be their listening ear!
The saddest part of all was one lady in the back. I went over and told her "Feliz Navidad". She spoke to me in Spanish and told me how she has nothing and would love nothing more than to pass away. She wanted to go to the sky because she had nothing. She kept telling me, "No tengo nada, senorita. No tengo NADA. Nada..." and she just started sobbing! Could you imagine how this would break your heart!? Eeho. I gave her a hug and she would NOT let go of my hand. I felt so sad for her. The nursing home lady game and held her hand, kissed her on the forehead and told her it was ok because she was with her. I realized how amazing of a person she was and how great you have to be in order to even work at a place like that every day. The sadness I would feel is overcoming. She looked me in the eye and said, I want your name and address because we want to send you a thank you letter and we want you to come back. She kissed me on the forehead and said, "I love you"! Wow, I'm not sure I'd do that to a complete stranger but I was ok with it. I think I'll take my family next week on Family Home Evening and do it again. Please come with us if you live here in El Paso! I promise you won't forget it...
