Happy Marriage Part 1! All about you.

Let me just first say that I am by no means an expert on anything. But I DO know that I have known my husband 6.5 years and been married 3 and our lives are EASY PEASY. Seriously! And I realized it's because of a few things we naturally (and sometimes not so naturally) do to help each other out. Might I also add that I was in an abusive marriage for nearly 2 years before Derek and I wed. Although that experience was indescribably difficult emotionally, physically, spiritually, & mentally...I feel my marriage with Derek has been blessed beyond measure because of it. With that being said- here we go!

Part 1: Loving Yourself

Okay so you know when you get on the airplane, the flight attendant lets everyone know that in case of an emergency, you must put your own mask on first before helping others? Well, that definitely makes sense. If you can't help yourself, you cannot help someone else because you do not have the emotional capacity to do so, especially when it comes to relationships. So here are a few pointers:

1. Understand the difference between being SELFISH and being SMART. Throwing your kids into your husbands arms for 4 hours while you rack up a bill for dinner, a pedicure and a massage after he's had a long day is SELFISH. Asking him to be on duty at home for a bit while you take a hot bath, read a book and go to bed early is SMART. That way you're still there if he needs you and you are being sensitive to his feelings. Even better, do it a different a day- when he hasn't had a rough go. I once heard that it's good to put God first, your spouse second and yourself last. I feel there is SO much wisdom in that. It will pay off, too- you just must have patience...which leads us to #2!

2. Have patience. Let yourself make mistakes! President Uchtdorf just gave an amazing talk at the Relief Society General Broadcast about this. We shouldn't beat ourselves up because we are not perfect. The better thing to do would be to acknowledge your current progress (even if it's small!) and keep on moving, in hopes to ONE DAY be the person we desire to become.

3. Think positively. Nobody loves to hear Debbie Downer all day long. Everyone is definitely entitled to a bad day and hey, go ahead, soak it up for a while. Then get over it. When you're feeling down, take a second to bring to light all of the things you DO have and should be grateful for. Everyone is fighting a different battle- whether or not their situation SEEMS easy.

4. Have confidence. During my college years it always bothered me to see students walking alone, looking down at their phone. Why? To me, it screamed, "I'm embarrassed to be walking alone!". I was always looking around, observing people and their actions, their clothes, their relationships, the sun, the clouds, the grass, the beautiful campus. It's such a better thing to see while walking than my itty bitty cell phone screen. Do you have the confidence to be alone? Try going to the movies alone, I've done this also. One day when I was single, I was super bummed and lonely. I had no one to spend the evening with but I didn't feel like staying in. What did I do? I made a grilled cheese sandwich, threw it in a ziploc bag and squished myself in the only seat I could find between two different families. I loved it! Sometimes we need to just get up and go and not think so much.

5. Pursue your goals. Who says being a wife and/or mom means you're chopped liver? Even if it's baby steps, work towards a goal if you have one. I am currently writing a book. I'm also aware it might take me a lifetime to finish! But it's nice to know that someday I will finish my goal and I'm enjoying the time I get to add to it here and there. I've mentioned this before in a previous blog post but...becoming a wife and/or mom can be rough; it can be an adjustment! But how do you look at it? To me, there are two ways. You can either see it as you losing your identity & being stripped of your rank, or you can view it as having a sash where you only add patches to it as you go. For example: When you become a mom, you might have lost your "working at an office as a big wig" status, but you also gained "nurturer", "comforter", "cook" & "multi-tasker" badges. Keep your perspective on the positive side.

I know this post may not seem to apply much to marriage, but it does. In every way possible. Taking care of additional members of the family requires so much effort that without love of self, you will lose yourself. Sometimes we need to stop and think about the people we admire the most...and then realize that someone out there thinks that way of YOU.