Happy Marriage Part 2. Action!

1. Ask yourself if it's worth the fight.

Growing up, my dad used to get upset at us for spilling water at the table. I always thought it was such a trivial thing to be upset about because one- it was just water and two- I wasn't asking anyone to help me clean it up. It was just a silly mistake I made (more than once) hee hee. Heck, I STILL do it by accident all the time.

In marriage, people often get upset about trivial things as well. The famous "which way does the toilet paper go" issue is a famous example. Your husband wipes his bum, uses the rest of the T.P., throws a new roll on there any which way and walks off. You come in, see it's turned the "wrong" way and give him either a lecture or the cold shoulder all night. Tell me that isn't the most ridiculous fight ever. Shoot, at least he put a new roll in there! He could have left you TP-less!

In situations such as those, we must stop and ask ourselves, "Is this worth a fight? Is this worth hurting my companion's feelings?" Even a snooty facial expression can hurt the other and we should always be aware and be sensitive to the other persons' feelings. Our actions speak so much louder than our words.

Something my husband taught me very early on in our marriage is that when he makes a mistake, he feels awful already. So having someone else get upset at him and rubbing salt in the wound is doing no good to anyone. How profound! It's so simple and yet so many do not get this concept. However, when the tables are turned, we would most definitely appreciate a little mercy from the other side, would we not?

2. Make an effort to see the other side.

One thing that is easy to get caught up in are differences in how we were raised as individuals. I was raised in a home that never really drank soda, but we were not against drinking caffeine. However, we never watched movies that were rated R and we were never really allowed to play video games. If we did, our time was extremely limited. Luckily, Derek and I were raised very similarly and this hasn't been an issue. However, some people get married and their spouses don't see eye to eye on things like these.

Something that kind of bothers me is when wives don't "let" their husband's play video games. Don't get me wrong- I'm NOT a big video gamer by ANY MEANS. I think the X-Box is the craziest invention and I can't work that piece of junk to save my life. Buuut, who am I to say that my husband can't do something he enjoys now and then- even if it's something I personally don't enjoy? Some wives get upset their husbands spend 3 hours on the X-Box. Is that an excessive amount of time to play video games? Absolutely. But how often do you spend sitting in front of the computer blogging? Or Facebooking? Or online shopping? Nine times out of ten, wives are just as guilty. And I'm sure husbands aren't thrilled to blog late at night. : ) But it's not that you shouldn't be allowed to do those things- it's just that all of those things should be done in moderation and each of you should be given equal respect from the other to indulge in a hobby. Sometimes we just want to sit around and do mindless things! I tell ya- if there's one thing I love, it's being able to just lay on my bed and stare at the wall or play Solitaire on my phone. No entertaining Titan, no cooking food, no laundry, no NOTHIN- just mindless staring to gather my chi for when I need it later that day.

3. Give a little to get a little.

I don't know about you, but I sure have heart a lot of this:

Woman: Ugh, my feet are killing me. I'm going home and making my husband rub my feet.
Woman: Oh, he better not or else he'll be sleeping on the couch for a week!
Woman: I told him that if he even tries to go camping with his buddies this holiday weekend, I'm going to spend $300 on whatever I want just to prove a point.

Man: Yeah man, my wife won't let me.
Man: Are you kidding? My wife would never give me a massage!
Man: My paychecks are spent before I even see that they were deposited!

Tell me you've heard this, too. This is so common that is makes me want to rip my hair out! : ) I can tell you that the fastest way to get your hubby to rub your feet is to rub his! Wow, what a concept! It takes us all the way back to when we were kids, learning the phrase "treat others the way you want to be treated" also known as The Golden Rule. You know, it IS called the golden rule for a reason. There is much wisdom to be found in it. You'd be surprised at how much good it does for the soul when you are gentle with one another. Offering a head massage, squeezing your hubby's bum as you pass him in the kitchen, kissing him on the cheek, touching his foot under the table, holding hands in the car. Those are all "action" things that are small and go a loooong ways! One thing I've learned is that the "big" things are nothing like the "small" things. The small things always matter more.

Now, I am probably making these posts seem like the wife is always in the wrong, but let me assure you men are equally guilty if not more so at times! But pointing the finger doesn't solve any problems; we must always work on ourselves only. (And since I've yet to know a man who reads my blog besides my husband...this is mostly geared towards you girls!) Which leads to my final point of...

4. You can only fix you.

A common misconception among the engaged is that they can mold their spouse into what they want AFTER they've tied the knot. Talk about false advertising! And I'm not sure how it makes sense to marry someone that you don't love in hopes that they will one day become your prince charming. Part of being in a good marriage is not only finding a good partner but BEING the best partner you can be. It's a two way street, and thankfully so. Being married can be the most rewarding experience or it can be Hell on Earth. I have experienced both in my lifetime and I'm happy to say that for the past 3 years, I've been in absolute Heaven. But I haven't changed. So what has? How could I have been the same and yet have such a different experience?

By constantly working on myself, I am able to open my eyes past my own little world. I'm able to put selfish thoughts behind me and think about how Derek might feel. There is nothing I want to change about him, but let's think about it. Say I wanted to change the fact that he likes to listen to music more loudly than I do. Why do I feel it's my job to change HIM instead of my job to change ME? I am not only being unwilling to meet in the middle, I am completely unwilling to see that I have any faults. So let's not forget that when we point a finger, we have 4 others pointing back at ourselves.