Happy Marriage Part 3. Sexy Time!

Before I begin, I had a few things to say!

*I wanted to clarify my stance on video games (as mentioned in the previous post). I definitely think *many* husbands go over the limit with their TV time. But, in order to get them away from the TV, try starting a hobby together like going biking, running, playing board games, 1,000+ piece puzzles, cooking and stuff like that. This way you're doing things together and it's still fun and relaxing. The "get-away-from-the-xbox" talk generally goes in one ear and out the other. And hey, your husband already has a mom. He doesn't need two.

*Please feel free to put in the comments YOUR suggestions on how to have a happy marriage and what works for you as a couple. Also, don't feel bad about putting in your two cents about anything I've posted, even if you disagree!

*Lastly, sex is a very personal thing within a marriage and not all couples are equal. These are MY THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS, not a "do or die" type of thing. Take what you like, leave what you don't. But these things are my observations and experiences that have worked and I've been on both sides of the fence with all of these issues. I'm showing you the bright side! : )

SEX.

As I was researching this topic, I found some interesting statistics. Married couples have sex 68.5 times a year. This is just over one time per week. Non-married couples have sex about 61.6 times a year. Go married couples! (This statistic came from drphil.com)

So, what is "sex" to you? I would venture to guess that most people view sex as sexual intercourse. But I think all forms of intimacy fall under the category. After I had Titan, I was told to not participate in sex for at least 6 weeks. When I was thinking about it and feeling bad for my poor husband (haha), someone threw in there, "there are other ways of having sex, you know". Aaaah, the light turned on! Get that little brain thinking and get creative.

To me, some really important parts of intimacy are:

*Kissing. Whether it be passionately for an hour, gently and softly a couple of times as you pass your spouse to get to the fridge, or be it playful where you kiss him all over his face while you've pinned him in a wrestling match. Cheesy? Maybe. But it's fun and we love it. And it does wonders for your soul, trust me!

*Embrace. The most difficult part about having Derek away is the lack of touch/embrace. When I'm sad, I want a hug. Not from anyone, but from Derek. When I'm happy, I want a hug. Same situation. I want to hold his hand in the car, across the parking lot, and while we push our baby in the shopping cart. I want to rest on his buff bicep while we chat in bed and stare at the ceiling. I want to snuggle with him under the covers before falling asleep. These are all things that are of utmost importance to me.

*Touch. The power of touch is great. It will bring you closer together instantly. I love to squeeze Derek's bum. I'm kind of a rule breaker. I do it at church while attending the Military Branch while he's in his Army Combat Uniform. Oops. I can't resist. I like to eskimo kiss his face, put my face close to his while I talk to him or whisper in his ear. These things are fairly effortless, make your hubby feel like a sexy champ and make you feel closer to him. It's a win-win-win. Cha-ching!

On webmd.com, I found some cool facts about sex. It:

1. Helps you sleep better. Well now I know why I haven't slept in the last 4 months! (TMI)
2. Burns calories. Go out for ice cream then go hang out in your room to burn it off. Easy peasy.
3. Improves Heart Health. Emotionally and physically!
4. Strengthens the pelvic floor muscles. Do your kegels, too! Also, they say sex helps put you in labor. I'm not *exactly* sure how true that is but hey, it's worth a shot! As if castor oil is any better? Disgusting taste and a night of diarrhea? No thanks.
5. Boosts self esteem. Of course it does! Everyone wants to feel sexy and wanted. If you want your husband's eyes to be all on you, give him a reason to think he's got a sexy mama wife! No one says you need make up, perfume, a new hair color, fake eyelashes or lingerie to succeed here. Just let him know you love and want him and he'll return the favor!
6. Relieves stress. If you're ever having a particularly crummy time in your marriage, try having sex. It's got to be the LAST thing on your mind, but once you do- you'll be surprised at how much better life feels the next day. And don't go back into your rut, either! Keep up a good routine.
7. Reduces physical pain. Apparently your levels of oxytocin go up when participating in sexual activity. They say having sex can take away pain from headaches and other body aches like cramps from your period. Try it!
8. Improves the bond between husband and wife. Uh yeah. Duh.
9. Reduces the risk of prostate cancer. Awesome!
10. Boosts immunity. If you're the type that gets sick frequently, try upping your amount of sexy time with your spouse. Saves you a trip to the doctor!


Hopefully none of you have abusive or crummy husbands. That kind of changes everything about these posts because there is only so much one person can do in a two-person marriage. To give, give, give and never receive in return is an utterly exhausting process that leaves you feeling worthless. And sex is going to be the last thing you want to do, not to mention it could get you pregnant (obviously) and babies don't make marriages better, contrary to popular belief. The only advice I could give you there is to ponder your situation hard and make the right decision in your life as to what you want to become of yourself and your family.

Girls, when it comes to sex, we basically hold all the power. If the wife says no, the husband's out of luck. Please don't be that girl. You will only leave your husband wondering why HE'S the one giving and never receiving. Sex is a two way street and you have to give a little to get a little. Your husband pays the bills, takes care of the cars, brings home the bacon, and so much more. Show him you appreciate him and give him a little boost to help make those tasks easier each day. I knew a girl who told me that she hadn't had sex with her husband in two months. When they finally attempted, the second she felt any pain or discomfort, she told him nevermind and that maybe they'd try again another time. (????) Sorry but if you fall under this category, you need some serious re-vamping of your system. Don't make sex a chore. If you hate it, find out what you hate about it and change things up a bit. There's no hurry- just do some trial and errors. Be open with your husband because communication is key. Telling him what you like and don't like will make your life a million times better. He isn't a mind reader (despite what you think) and what faster way to make your husband feel un-sexy and under appreciated then to push him to the side all the time? (Reverse the situation and think about if you were him.)

So now it's time to go get 'em! Good luck!