Why Moms Shouldn't Be Fat.

I wrote a little poem describing life as a mother. Now someone just tell me this isn't true.

The bending the lifting, the ups and the downs.
The rocking and shh-ing, the fixing of frowns.
Of all of the things that I do with this bod,
I should look nothing less than a chiseled Greek god.

Bringing in all of the groceries alone,
Up the stairs, down the stairs- where is my phone???
How many times do I take this from you?
The plunger's off limits, the TP is too!

Why did I put my mixing bowl there?
Better climb up the counter, or pull up a chair.
Using the muscles I didn't know of,
To reach Lightning McQueen, by that old piece of grub.

You ate a hot Cheeto? Oh great, here it comes.
Wait for the diaper that will be "the runs".
Hauling out trash bags that reek of old poop.
Hoisting it into the dump full of goop.

Pulling you in your red wagon each day,
And just as I stop you yell, "Mom! Go that way!"
Coming home tired and wanting to rest,
Is just such a joke because now there's a test.

How patient are you by 7 pm.
Dinner, then bath time, and cleaning the den.
The kids are in bed, you plop down and sigh.
When all of the sudden, one starts to cry.

You dash up the stairs and you don't make a peep,
In fear that you might wake the one that's asleep.
The problem is fixed, and tip toed you go.
When right out of nowhere you get quite the blow.

You hop and you jump and turn right around,
To see what you stepped on. Oh look what you found!
That green dinosaur with its big pointy tail
All up in the air- that's what made you wail!

Just when you feel the day couldn't get worse,
Your muscles are sore and you just want to curse,
Your back's out of whack and you begin to think-
P90X doesn't even do this to me!

My kids kicked my butt by the end of the day.
And I got quite the workout, I just have to say.
Changing into my jammies, I take off my top,
My trusty old belly pops out with a flop.

Bewildered I'm wondering, "How can this be?"
Did you see all the things my kids did to me?!
But talking to fat never did anyone good,
If I could get rid of it, surely I would!

Men age so graciously, handsome and grey.
Women's boobs droop and their fannies? They hang.
One thing's for certain though, I'll tell you that-
It isn't fair that moms are the ones that get fat.

(Happy Mother's Day coming up soon!)

Whaddya Know Wednesday

I missed last Wednesday's "Whaddya Know". And the one before that. And possibly the one before that? Maybe I just ran out of facts about myself! Here are a few more to celebrate this Wednesday!

1. I hate the way "surprise" is spelled. I've always thought it should be "suprise".

2. No matter what I do, I can never ever get a good shave on my armpits.

3. I have THE boniest tail bone in the world and can't even do sit-ups without having a nasty rug burn.

4. My hair isn't naturally straight like people think it is; it's super wavy but not in an attractive way by any means.

5. When I was little, my siblings and I had Cabbage Patch Dolls (remember those?!) and we thought that they came alive one time. We even went searching for their footprints in our gravel driveway.

6. I play piano & guitar, but I'm a master of neither one.

7. I crashed on a dirt bike when I was 15 and ended up with 5 stitches and a LOT of road rash.

8. Derek & I got in a motorcycle accident when I was pregnant with Titan which resulted in Derek not having a pulse in his right wrist, but never had to get his hand amputated because there is still blood flow!

9. I love shoe string french fries.

10. My favorite pizza in the entire world is Dion's. Nothing compares. But if I had to choose a second it would be Little Caesar's and third would tie between Barro's & Nello's.

11. Basically everything we own (furniture wise) is from IKEA. (Note to self: IKEA's quality in furniture is not so good. You definitely get what you pay for.)

12. There was a bomb threat at my high school once and the SWAT team had to come in. We stood out in the sun for 3 hours. There were 3500 students at our school.

13. When I was in middle school, someone found a "Hit List" and turned it in to the principal's office. Apparently I was on that hit list. I never found out whose it was & I don't know if anything came of it. And I have no idea why I was on that list! I was a goober with high crew socks, white-toed shoes, and normal 12 year old outfits and I never picked fights!

14. I like to paint and I have a couple of paintings I've done on canvas.

15. I currently have 6 cavities. Do not judge.

Momma Mia

Being a mom brings some funny times that only other mothers can understand.

Don't worry, though- they aren't always pleasant. Take this picture, for example. It is exactly what you think it is & it isn't the first time it's happened.

 I was just talking with my mom when all of the sudden I felt wet. This is the "wet" I was feeling. Nothing like sticky, sugary breastmilk gluing your boob, garment top, bra & shirt together all while leaving a big attractive circle of awesome on your shirt.

 A couple of weeks ago, I was outside talking to my neighbor. I had Claire in my arms and Titan was zipping around the courtyard with my neighbors kids. He was talking away when my let down reflex kicked in (at full force) and two big wet circles started to form on my chest. I wanted to politely excuse myself, but ended up blurting, "Oops! I'm leaking. Titan! Come on! Let's go inside!" Neighbor fail.

Until next time!

3 myths about life.

I feel like each day that I get older, I get a tad bit more wise. I feel like I am handed facts, and that my head & heart ultimately end up deciding if they're true or not. There are a few things I've discovered as of late.

1. Breastfeeding. People say that your breastfed child's immune system rocks and that they'll rarely get sick. One lady even told me that the first time she ever took her son to the doctor due to illness (not just a checkup) was when he was 18 & she attributed it to breastfeeding. Well sorry, but I breastfed Titan for 11 months and he's been sick about a million times in his life! They also say that your chances of getting breast cancer are slim to none when breastfeeding. My grandmother breastfed all 7 of her children and got breast cancer about 10 years ago. Crazy! I'm still a full believer in "breast is best", but I don't think formula fed kids have much disadvantage when it comes to the nutritional outcome.

2. Gay marriage. I'm still a little bit on the fence with this one. My religious upbringing tells me it's not ordained of God (which I whole heartedly believe) but my observance of Gay couples tells me they are some of the most incredibly kind & loving people I've known. I even think they'd make better parents than many people out there. And although I don't think it's quite fair to bring a child into a family with two moms or two dads without explaining to them that it's not the norm, I still think they'd raise good children. And probably less judgmental children. In a sense, more CHRISTLIKE children. And when it comes down to it, whether the state recognizes them as a (legal) couple or not, they'll still live together, have pets together, and do their thing together. However, the thing that bothers me most about many people in the gay community is that they shove their beliefs in your face. Marching down the street with rainbow shirts that say "I'm gay" on them isn't helping anything. I don't walk around with a pink shirt that says "I'm heterosexual" on it. What's the point? So like anything else, I don't like when people slap me in the face with their beliefs and aggressively try to make me see eye to eye with them until they feel "accepted". Truth is, they may never fully be accepted. Segregation was done away with many years ago and yet I saw it in Georgia last summer when I lived there. The white people ate on one side of the restaurant and the blacks ate on the other. And when we sat in the black section, everyone looked at us like we were crazy. It was awkward. So my point is, if they're going to do their thing, fine. But I think everyone should keep extreme PDA to themselves. Just as I don't want to see a lesbian or gay couple making out at a restaurant or a movie or anywhere for that matter, I don't want to see a heterosexual couple doing it either. Be tactful. Be respectful. Love others. And don't judge. I think if I can remember those things, I'll be set. (I was kind of all over the place with that one, but you get the point.)

3. Dieting. Some say the only true way to lose weight is through a healthy diet. Maybe for SOME. But my entire life, I've eaten anything & everything I've wanted and stayed fairly small. I attribute this to genetics and exercise, not diet. In my personal opinion, exercise is far more important than counting every calorie. I think as people, we are kind of...what's the word...lazy. We don't want to exercise after a long day at work. And we'd rather turn on Netflix to watch Justin Bieber's "Never Say Never" on Saturday morning instead of going for a jog. There's even been talk of a diet pill that sends some chemical to the brain that makes your body burn calories as if you had exercised. Whaaaaat??? How does that even work? It's nuts. Just go outside! Anyway, I think it's such a scam that people feel like they have to be ONE SIZE. That women have to be a size 2 and men a 32 waist or smaller. Just be fit, be yourself, and be happy...whatever that size may be.

Whaddya Know Wednesday

Here I am again, another Wednesday snuck up behind me! So are you thinking you know me pretty well by now? Here are 15 more facts about me.

1. I pick my nose. (Don't deny it- you do it also. Probably in the car when you think no one is watching.)

2. I had a dream about Derek when I was 17 and never met him before. I recognized him from my dream years later. And I still remember the dream like it was yesterday.

3. I'm always standing on one foot, with the other foot pressing against the opposite legs' inner thigh. Does that make sense? Basically I stand like a flamingo and I didn't know this was weird until I met Derek. Apparently I'm the only one in the world who does it.

4. I'm scared to death of wasps & bees. I run & flail my arms & scream in a pitch I can't reproduce by any other means than by having one of those suckers whiz past me.

5. I love puzzles. The big ones with 1000+ pieces.

6. I was 23 years old when I bought my first real purse. It was $15 from Sears.

7. I put peanut butter on my waffles before pouring syrup on top. I grew up eating this, but came to learn that not many do the same.

8. Sometimes I get a wild hair & want to get a matching tattoo with Derek.

9. I have double-jointed ankles and can turn my feet almost completely backwards while standing upright.

10. I was allergic to pineapples as a kid but grew out of that allergy. They used to make my tongue super itchy.

11. I like anchovies on my pizza, although I never order it that way.

12. In college, I lit a bowl of tater tots on fire by putting them in the microwave too long.

13. I don't have a diamond on my wedding ring. I am not a fan of them & asked Derek to buy me a plain silver band. Thank Heavens he's not a proud person or he'd be embarrassed every time someone told me, "Let me see your ring!" when we got engaged.

14. It took me 5 months to get pregnant with Titan & 3 days to get pregnant with Claire. Needless to say we're being reeeeeallly careful these days.

15. I get excited when Titan wants to watch Curious George 2: The Movie, because it's my favorite show of his.