El Paso-isms.

I wonder what kind of breakdowns Americans would have if they visited friendly ole El Paso for a week or so. A mental breakdown, possibly an emotional breakdown...maybe even cardiac arrest from the all-encompassing aura that surrounds El Paso and it's cohabitants. Sometimes I wonder if I will miss this place....

It's not likely.

Here are some El Paso-ims. If you've never lived in or around Arizona, New Mexico or Southern Texas, you might not understand me here.

1. People add an "s" to everything. Example: "Hey hombre- I think I need to stop by Barnes and Nobles to pick up a book real quick."

2. "D"s become "T"s very quickly. Sheridan's old co-worker once told her she was in a really "Bat Moot".

3. Wal-Mart is pronounced "Gwalmart" and sandwich is "Sangwich". (???) Is it just me or are those other words waaay harder to say.

4. People eat fried bologna with syrup. I went into shock when I heard this and then laughed like...that's a joke right? They looked at me like I WAS THE WEIRD ONE. (Am I???)

5. When a guy has a tattoo of a teardrop under his eye it means he's either killed someone himself or a family member has been murdered. When you see people with a tattoo of three dots between their thumb and forefinger, they are (or were previously) a member of a gang and earned the right to lead others within that gang. Yeah- I see those tattoos all the time on my patients and I've never seen them on anyone anywhere else I've lived!

6. There is a homeless man who moves to different stoplights all across El Paso (did I mention it takes an hour to DRIVE from one end to the other? He is most definitely NOT homeless) with a scrolling marquee that reads bible verses about helping those in need. What's better is he has a long stick with a cup on the end so he doesn't have to get out of his chair when you want to give him money. What a guy.

7. If you order food at a restaurant and don't have money, it's on the house until you find a way to pay them back.

8. It's normal to get paid minimum wage for every job imaginable and not get a raise for over 3 years. (Not my circumstance, but definitely most people's!)

9. You can be a solid 2 bills and wear tube tops and skinny jeans like they're going out of style.

10. Velour suits with high heels, hoop earrings, big gold bracelets and heavy eyeliner= sexy.

11. Not knowing your own phone number is completely legit. People here would probably have a heart attack if they knew you didn't have to either whip out your cell phone or an old piece of paper to get your own phone number off of it.

12. It's ironic how the murder capital of the world has a "No guns" sign at the entrance.

13. I'm convinced it's the only city that will sell bottled aguas frescas at the gas station and Sabritas Mexican chips at the grocery store.

14. Everything's backwards. The authentic Mexican chips say "2 dollars only" on the front of the bag and there's a restaurant here called "Gorditas Tony's"

15. Instead of a regular speed limit sign, they have "Minimum Speed" and "Maximum Speed" signs along with "Night Speeds" on the freeway. You understand why when you see an old beater truck stacked to the clouds with everything you can think of. Wood pallets, dressers with clothes in them, tree branches...and it's all perfectly strapped down somehow. Those Mexicans know how to pack a truck!

Anyway, these are just a few of the things I will shed tears over when we leave. Love ya, El Paso! And I will miss your authentic Mexican food. Just for the record.